You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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