Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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