is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
