So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
