For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
