so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
