Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The power of my boobs compel you
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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