If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
