He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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