the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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