if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
