Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
