No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize