college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
