He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
