do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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