We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
