Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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