am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
