I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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