somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
