I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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