No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
