I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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