I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
