Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
