He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
