my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
