in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
