Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
