did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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