6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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