Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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