Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
