I think my vagina is haunted
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
