I just made out with a guy for $7.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
