Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
