dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
