In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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