Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
