I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
