Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
