Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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