i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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