You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
