it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
