I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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