No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
