I CAN MOONWALK!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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