***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize