Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
