Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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