After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
