it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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