Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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