i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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