why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
