i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
