Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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