Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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