i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
