Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
