You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
