Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
