Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
