WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
