I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
