Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
