I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
