she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
