it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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