She said her name was "party"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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