Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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