Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
