So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
