Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
