I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
