Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
