Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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