I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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