Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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