respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
