chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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