Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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