Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
