he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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